As a student in Preparing Tomorrow’s Faculty, a free not-for-credit program for graduate students at University of Central Florida, I am reading Teaching at Its Best: A Research-Based Resource for College Instructors by Linda B. Nilson. I thought it would be amusing to come up with some ideas for chapters or sections of Teaching at Its Worst, a textbook that exists only in my mind.

How to overcome the efficacious learner
Competitive grading strategies
Increasing participation with pop quizzes
Imposing your agenda on students
Honor trials in the classroom

Lowering grades with subtractive credit
Detecting plagiarism with Google Maps
How to prevent students from emailing you
Syllabi with teeth
Applying the DMCA to ratemyprofessors.com

Setting boundaries when dating your students
Exceptions to “there are no stupid questions”
13 rules for drinking with your students
Making students better listeners
Cell phone jammers and you

Never do yard work again
10 ideas for a surprise field trip
Grading papers using friends and family
Incorporating GRE vocabulary into your lecture
Crushing your students’ hopes and dreams